It has been almost a month since the last time my husband was admitted to the hospital through the ER. Per my last post, it has been almost 2 months since his surgery to help him stay out of the hospital. It seems to be working.
Since the surgery I've been busy at home and at work doing what I can to make what was only a dream into reality.
The rest of December was tough . . . even though we both had great plans for Christmas, they didn't really end up the way we wanted. I did get to spend the holidays with family and friends, my husband was not yet well enough to spend that time with them also. The last of the year was spent a lot like the beginning of the year, but I was hopeful it was just a hiccup to what was going to happen in the new year.
Our New Year's Eve was celebrated with a pop rather than a bang as we have had enough excitement for awhile. It was spent at home, which was great compared to almost all the holidays of 2011. It is still strange for me to have my weekends at home, the entire time, and including my husband.
As I look back at last year and also look ahead to the coming year it always hits me that what was "normal" for me over the last 2 1/2 years or so is no longer what will be "normal" going forward. Also, what was "normal" to me is not at all what should be normal in my life.
I got so used to living life day by day and not scheduling farther than a few days in advance - always knowing that I might have to cancel any and all plans that were made. It's sometimes hard for me to commit to any plans farther out than the coming weekend - and even then I hesitate. It's all feels so new to me.
It feels so good to not have somewhere to go or places to be on the weekends. It may sound so boring to some people, but my best time on the weekend is sitting next to my husband watching a movie. How simple that is, but yet how new and vibrant it seems to me these days.
We are still in transition and are learning limitations. I have to remind myself that it hasn't been that long since the surgery and it will take up to and including a year for everything to stablize. This doesn't include emotions and actions, just the physical healing and stabilizing itself, which doesn't include my healing and changing.
We are having a party this month to celebrate my husband's birthday, but I think it's much more than that. It's been so long since we could truly enjoy having our friends over to hang out and have fun.
I think we are both a little hesitant still about planning things too far in advance, but we long for things to look forward to and goals to accomplish.
I can now shift my focus to a few other things in my life. I need to start looking at my own health more and really getting things accomplished there. I should write about all that has changed there, but that is for another blog - this one is getting pretty lengthy.
Overall I'm thinking 2012 is going to be a good one, if not great :).
I will update more often - truthfully - now that I have some of the time spent on worrying freed up for other things. It's amazing how much energy and strength it takes to sit in a hospital room watching tv or reading. Time to get my booty into gear and get active :).
Thank you for sticking around. I'm hoping to post more upbeat and interesting posts soon.
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