Friday, August 26, 2011

Five in Friday

1. Blue skies - it is so sunny and warm right now :). That natural vitamin D is doing me good.

2. New work responsibilities - while this might be a not so good thing, it's a good thing right now because it is stretching my abilities and making me feel like I accomplish things during the day rather than waiting around for something to do.

3. Meeting new people - again, because of the changes in my job, and again, could be a not so good thing, but not in this case. Because I have new responsibilities I'm meeting new people at work and getting to talk about my interests and who I am. It really makes me feel I'm going in the right direction after all.

4. Free Food - I'm kinda suffering from long term memory loss (not really) and only thinking about what is right infront of me, but I found some free food today just when I was feeling hungry. With everything going on I certainly could save some $$ and this came at the right time.

5. Grooveshark - I'm listening to my 3 audition pieces right now and I'm so thankful to have a media to do that with. Since I have been so busy moving and taking care of things I haven't had much time to rehearse, so listening to these songs on repeat while working really helps me out. If you haven't looked into Grooveshark, you should. Especially if you want to listen to a particular artist instead of just artists that are like them. It's free and commerical free (for now) and doesn't need any downloading to use.

Well, I should get some things done before I have to jet to rehearsal and cleaning later tonight.

Have a fabulous weekend!

Always a duckling, never a swan.

As a young girl I wanted to be a ballerina (despite never having been in a class in my life). I would walk on my tip toes because I thought ballerinas walked that way all the time. This probably lead to my knee problems later in life, but I'll never really know. I always wanted to be that graceful girl on the stage until I realized my large feet and not-so-slim build probably wouldn't work out the best for that aspiration.

This week's Cheesy Bloggers theme is called, "Watch Your Step," and I wanted to write about a clumsy situation to commiserate with my fellow accident prone people.

Growing up I was always the girl who tried her hardest to sit up straight and walk with purpose, or so I thought. Looking back I probably looked pretty silly, making such an event of just walking from one point to the next, but it seemed so important to me then. I would strive to be a beautiful swan gliding gracefully through the playground during recess when I probably looked more like a clumsy duck waddling my way to the four-square area.

As I got older, becoming a soprano in the choir did not help my delusions of gracefulness. We were always told to sit up straight and express the music to reach the audience. While the facial expression in class and voice lessons helped me show my feelings on my face, the posture and demeanor only furthered my plight to be a graceful princess.

Instead of all my efforts showcasing me as a beautiful statueque woman, it turned out to make me look like a clumsy, regularly bruised person. I still have my "feminine wiles" about me, I've just come to the realization that I may not be as graceful and effortless looking as I think. This is punctuated by the fact that my husband reminds me of how not graceful I am. He means no harm, but he has made some effort in the past to point out how truly clumsy I am.

I don't have a specific story of my clumsiness that I can think of, but I do tend to drop anything that shouldn't be dropped, hit my head on things that are clearly in the way, and run into things that I could have easily avoided.

For some reason I have slight depth perception problems. I tend to take corners too sharp and hit my shoulders on the door frame. I almost always hit my head on any cabinet door that is above me, no matter how often I remind myself that it is there. I stub my toe on corners all the time. My husband actually took our bed frame apart and built a different one so I would stop bumping my hip on the foot board every night before getting into bed lol. I have also been known to trip over my own feet and snag my foot in my pants.

Being a part of the musical theater community now I know quite a few dancers. I no longer see ballerinas as such graceful creatures, but do still wonder how they can maneuver around so easily and without harm. Oh well, such is my life of aspiring to be graceful and settling for just not bumping into things.


Still busy, but that shouldn't be a surprise

To me at least. I seem to always talk about being busy and all that I have to do, but it's sort of like it's a surprise most of the time. I really just need to give in to the fact that I am really busy most of the time . . . but that's what makes my downtime so enjoyable.

At different points during this year I have ached for a vacation. There is absolute blue sky out my window at work right now and it just makes me want to get out and be in the beautiful weather while it lasts. Here in Seattle a beautiful, warm, clear day doesn't happen often, so I always feel like I should take advantage of it now while it's around. The pull for vacation doesn't just come from that though.

For me it's a pull to get away from it all. To pick up and leave everything behind. It sounds so inviting and wonderful. I'm so scatter-brained right now that just "rebooting" and starting things anew sounds just amazing. I think part of my scatter-brained aspect is because I want to just dull my brain and avoid all that is going on.

It's not to say I'm unhappy or anything. When anyone talks with me I genuinely smile and am interested in talking about things . . . I just want some time for me in there somehwere I think.

I have spent this entire week thinking about different topics for blogs to write about, but I just haven't had a chance to sit down and devote enough time to writing them. I need to get back to my gamer girl explanation too. We are in the process of moving and house sitting right now, so I spend a lot of my evenings driving. I'm hoping once we get settled I'll be able to concentrate more on my creative hobbies - many of which have sat on the back burner for a few years, including blogging. While the move is not the greatest (and will hopefully be a blog all in itself) I think it will lead to a lot of good things. We had good intentions and I am hoping we can fulfill at least some of our goals through this move.

Anyway, just thought I would write something while I am distracting myself on this beautiful Friday. I'll do Five on Friday soon.

Thanks for reading :)!


Monday, August 22, 2011

Five on "Friday"



Well, it's been a super duper busy weekend, so I didn't get to my Five on Friday. I've been moving and going to rehearsals all weekend as well as house sitting too, so I will list some things now. In no particular order . . .

1. Working vehicles - We have had our ups and downs with cars over the years and thankfully *knock on wood* we have had 3 vehicles to help move right now. It sucks with paying for gas, but at least we can do it.
2. Reliable relatives - my husband's cousin has been helping us since last Thursday with moving and just being around. He has always been willing to help and does things without being asked. It's just nice to have that after all the trials we've been through recently.
3. Sunshine! - even though I don't get to be out in it much, it's still nice to see the beautiful sunny days that we have been waiting for during the summer.
4. Dubstep - it is my new music genre that I love to listen to for a pick me up or when driving. Skrillex is my favorite right now, but I'm trying to branch out and learn other artists.
5. Nurses - the nurses at the hospital were so great and helpful the entire time I had to be at the hospital, and more importantly when my husband was there. I never see a doctor because of when I could be there, but the nurses were always nice to me and accommodating to my husband. I've become sort of a connoisseur of hospitals over the last couple years and have had some bad encounters with nurses and doctors, so this last time was a pleasant experience.

That's it for the last week. I will hopefully have enough computer access and free time to get it done on time this week.

I hope all is well with you!



P.S. Not my kitty in the pic. I will try to get pics of my meezers in boxes if I can :).

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Being "grown-up" can be difficult sometimes


I'm in for a busy weekend after having a tough week all week - again. Last weekend I had rehearsal for The Music Man after being off for 3 weeks. Let's hope I remember all the choreography or can catch up quickly. While I'm excited to get to see everyone in the production, it's a volunteer thing so in the back of my mind is a pull to get to my obligations. I don't think that's an age thing because I have always felt that when it comes to things I need to get done. What's new for me is the fact that I now am actually more laid back than I was when I was younger.

To help put things in perspective, here's a list of what needs to get done in the near future:

- Rehearsals every weekend: Friday (7pm - 9pm), Saturday (11am - 7pm), and/or Sundays (2pm - 7pm). The schedule changes each weekend for call days and times, but usually it's 2 out of the 3 days.
- Buying a "new" car: I had an appointment last Sunday , but they wanted too much per month so I said no and walked out. Back to square one.
- Moving: we are moving in with my dad starting in September to save up for a house and start catching up on finances.
- Scheduling a surgery for my husband: No specifics because it's my husband's stuff, but we need to get the okay from the insurance.
- Hospital visits: before he can get the surgery he has to be well enough to be at home.
- Work: I get distracted with everything going on and I end up doing one thing in the middle of another and it takes 3x as long to accomplish something.
- Nutrition: I'm seeing a nutritionist and trying to eat better, but it's tough when you spend most of your time away from home.
- Auditions for a concert opera role: I have an audition coming up on August 28th for a group I normally only sing chorus in.

So there you go. This is why it's taken a bit for me to get a new blog posted. I originally started writing this last Friday, but had to put it aside to get other things done. This is where I feel there are not enough hours in a day and enough days in a week.

However, back to the beginning where I said I'm more laid back. What is different as I am now "grown up" is the fact that I just know that things will get done. It helps to have someone there with me to go through all the chaos and stress. He's much better at seeing "3 steps ahead" and has been doing it for a lot longer than I have. It's tough when the person you lean on to help with certain aspects is out of commission, but I still run things by him and he still is organizing what he can.

What I know now that I didn't know then is that what has to get done will get done. It might not be pretty and could cause a lot of problems, but the end result will still happen. It doesn't dull the stress I go through, but on the surface not as many people see what's going on. At least that's my theory.

I wear my emotions clearly on my face, from the many years of voice lesson trainings to get me to express with my face, so when people talk with me they can't help but see what's going on. The difference now is that I don't readily spill my life out to anyone who asks me how I'm doing. I have learned that people have a lot going on in their lives and they don't need to hear about all my problems. I also know that I have a lot going on and don't really have time to explain to everyone I talk to what is going on. So it works both ways :).

I try to keep a smile on my face and keep in mind what is good with the world and my life, but it gets difficult. The Five on Friday blogs will help though. And, as my husband and I are fond of saying, it can always be worse.

I turned one of my other blogs into a vent-fest for a bit and this is not what I want to do with this one, so I am working to make what I post on here personal, relevant, and insightful - not pessimistic, spiteful, and overall negative. There are realities to life, but that doesn't mean we have to forget the miracles.

Thanks for keeping up and I hope to have more light-hearted and fun things on here soon.



Friday, August 12, 2011

Five on Friday

Since I have so much going on right now and I've been pretty stressed I thought I would start a weekly blog theme to help me out a little. Five on Friday is to appreciate five things in my life and let me know what I'm working so hard for . . . or just some things that make me smile :). If you stick with me and this blog you'll find that I'm easily amused and simple things make me happy, but I tend to forget the simple things when getting wrapped up in my life.

Here are the 5 on Friday for this week:

1. My cats (I will post pics and erase this when I update). I love my fur babies so much and am completely glad they are in my life. My house is so much more alive and interesting with them.

2. Orange Ginger lotion - I have it at my desk and the smell makes me smile. It reminds me of different things and people :).

3. Sweet Iced Tea - made with Splenda. I drink Splenda Iced Tea like it was water, but iced tea will always make me think of summer and my mother stirring it in a glass pitcher with a wooden spoon.

4. J :) for getting me back into blogging like we used to do on myspace. If you can't tell, I'm totally addicted to it again :).

5. Dahlias - we have a farmer's market every week outside the front door of my office building. I see so many people buy the $7 - $10 bouquets of fresh flowers. Dahlias are in season and I love the way they look. They just make me smile.

There you go. Since Friday is my favorite day of the week it's only fitting to celebrate it with happiness :).

(Pictures to follow - I have to leave atm to go to rehearsal)



Thursday, August 11, 2011

Secrets from a Gamer Girl - Part I: the early years


Here's the deal with this "Gamer Girl": I have been an observer more than an actual player. That's kinda my big secret when it comes to being a part of the gaming community. I am a part of the culture and understand gaming references, but the engagment is second to the observation for me.

I've never fallen into the typical gamer culture where I was directly involved in games that came out and gaming platforms that have been conceived. The most experience I had with games growing up was with Atari.

We had 41 game cartridges on our custom made Atari entertainment center. I wish I had a picture of this wood desk-like center. It had shelves on either side that turned so we could look at all the cartridges to figure out what we wanted to play. There was a slide out platform for the console, just like slide out keyboard shelves they have now. I don't remember the remote control area, probably because I never put them away. There was a corner of the room dedicated to Atari. I loved the paddle controls, but rarely used them. I was so proud of how many games I had (hence the exact number above) and was convinced we had the most out of anyone I knew. My favorite was one called Cosmic Ark, not one that I think many people think of when they remember Atari. Most people remember ones like my mom's favorite, Asteroids. Now that I think about it, Atari was really how I started my gaming interest, but after that my family never bought another console.

We did have computer games though. So I guess I'm more a PC gamer than a console gamer, if you count Apple games like Summer Games, Zork I, or Alter Ego (which I played in secret because it was too "adult' for us kids). I also played Myst when it first came out, but I played it as a two-player game rather than just a solo adventure game. Let me explain . . .

My sister and I were pretty close growing up. We are now in different countries, so we don't talk or see each other nearly enough, but we do keep in touch. Anyway, me being the younger sister I always wanted to do what my older sister was doing. We somehow acquired Myst to play on the computer when it first came out, before any of my friends knew about it (probably from the mystical ways of my dad buying it for us lol). We love mysteries and puzzles and this was a totally new experience from any other computer game we'd ever seen. My sister had a pretty busy social life, but we always took the time to play Myst together. By together I mean that I watched while she looked around and tried to solve the obstacles that came up. I was there to be another set of eyes because there was no direction or narration to help figure out this strange world. I think that started my endless observation of games. We would sit for hours just wandering around the Myst world trying to figure things out. I would literally just sit there while my sister controlled all the movement. I refused to play it alone. It was such a fun game for us to play together and experience it at the same time that it didn't really occur to me that it was actually a single player game. We explored as much as we could before the pull of friends and college became more pressing. when Riven came out we got that same excitement to play as with Myst, but no longer had the time to sit for a whole day in front of the computer to explore it together. As I look now, I think it would be fun to look at all the following editions of the Myst worlds to see how things have changed and reminisce about the fun times we had trying to figure out what was going on. Although it would still be really strange for me to be the "driver" when I play.

So there is a little look into where my gamer tendencies started. Tune in for the next installment - Secrets of a Gamer Girl - Part II: Gamer Cheerleader/Ice Queen.



Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Who would play you?


It's not an altogether new concept, but it's something that has been interesting to think about in the past, and was brought up again recently with my friends on Facebook.

If there was a movie made about you/your life/something that involved you - what actor/actress would play you?

The most recent depiction of that question I came upon was due to a Facebook meme that went as such:

Say you were a serial killer. Go to your profile and look at your friends on the left:
1st person turns you in

2nd person knows but doesn't tell anyone

3rd person is your partner in crime

4th person is your first victim

5th person tries to kill you

6th person is the police officer that arrested you
7th person is your lawyer

8th person writes a tell-all nove
l.

I don't know if you have seen this, but on my friend's page it somehow turned into a potential movie. Who would play each person in a movie about this situation? I was on this list and I asked my friend to come up with an actress who would play me. I have a tough time coming up with actresses because I tend to lean toward Asian ones since that's my background. I do know, however, that I do not look that typically Asian these days plus there aren't that many Asian actresses that are well-known or in my general age group right now.

So, who would you cast me as? Who would you cast to play you? I'll tell you in a bit what was chosen for me in this latest scenario.

In my past there was a tradition in my college choir group to do this sort of list every year with the members in the choir. We called it the "Choir Movie List" and a group of us would come up with actors and actresses who best depict each member of the choir. I was always surprised by who they came up with. I don't remember all 3 years I was in choir what actress I got, but here are the ones I remember: Tia Carerre (I remember her most from Wayne's World lol)


and Shannon Doherty.


We also did a "Music video List" on our overseas tour where I got Janet Jackson (well before her "nipple slip" incident).


Now, it's tough to say what they took into account when choosing an actress for me, but usually it's a mix of looks and personality. Shannon Doherty, really?? I was surprised and hurt when I heard that's who they chose for me. It was just weird for me and I took it really personally. So much so that I remember to this day that it was chosen for me. Now I don't think it would affect me as much, but I would still wonder why.

The latest one they chose for me for the serial killer meme is Selma Blair.


I was as flattered because I have always thought she was pretty and had a quirky and fun personality. With my current self-esteem/weight issues it was nice to see others can see me as someone like her. How nice of them :).


Want me to guess for you? I can't promise anything, but I can try if you ask. I don't want to insult/hurt/irritate anyone by my choice, so I will do my best to match you accordingly.

Thanks for going on this little ride with me today. Let me know if it inspires a blog for you too :).




Monday, August 8, 2011

"The colors of the wind"


I was randomly listening to tracks from the Hangover Soundtrack and it got me thinking about all the different CDs I used to have of movies I liked. I used to love getting them after I'd seen the movie and sometimes in anticipation of seeing it. My best friend and I used to go to the music store and specifically look for good soundtracks to buy. We've always had similar tastes in movies so it was always fun to see what the store actually carried. Once I started working in a music store (Camelot - they no longer exist, well now they are FYEs, but I think those all closed too) I was almost unstoppable. I had a huge CD collection until we got rid of them a few years ago when we converted to mp3s.

Some of my favorites in no particular order:

The Matrix
Strictly Ballroom
Sliding Doors
That Thing You Do!
Stealing Beauty
The Phantom of the Opera (although this was WAY before the movie came out)
The English Patient and many more.

I even had the sheet music for the theme to the English Patient; it is still one of my favorite movies. I also bought the soundtrack for Pocahontas before it came out in the movie theaters (hence the title of the blog). I memorized all the songs on the soundtrack and sang them in my room before the movie was out in theaters so I knew them before going to see another Disney musical. I still remember listening in my room and singing along to the music, trying to picture what the animation would be.

Movie soundtracks were fun to get after seeing the movie because it always reminded me of the scenes from the movie associated with the specific songs. Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs are some good examples of that. It's no wonder that my first ever CD I bought with my own money was the Twin Peaks soundtrack. I played that CD all the time and loved hearing the orchestration of Angelo Badalamenti along with the songs by Julee Cruise. Ahh the memories.

Soundtracks also provided more variety in one CD than most musician's albums. Hackers was an album of electronic music, but it had a bunch of different artists with different bpms depending on the style. Scream had some great remakes of classic rock songs done by artists of the moment. The Truth About Cats & Dogs got me into Suzanne Vega again and also got me into her poetry. Soundtracks opened me up to new artists and genres, but allowed me to have favorite songs and movie moments all in one CD.

If you haven't thought about listening to movie soundtracks I highly recommend it. You don't have to like every song on the album (Boogie Nights, 10 Things I Hate About You, and Cruel Intentions are some where I liked some songs, but always skipped others), but it's nice to have some variety sometimes instead of listening to the same artists the whole time. Not that I don't like that, it's just for a change of pace.

If you haven't noticed, I have a specific number of years (mostly the 90s, which might date me) that I collected soundtracks until I stopped pretty abruptly. Hence why I am talking about it now and reminiscing a bit. As a final thought, here are some others I used to love to listen to:

Corrina, Corrina
High Fidelity
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory - Gene Wilder version
Amadeus
Circle of Friends
Now & Then
and The Wedding Singer.

What soundtracks have you listened to or wanted to have?




Health and Wellness



Alright, my last blog was pretty bleak, but I hope that it is clear that I am trying to make things better and work through my circumstances as best I can. I want this to be a more light-hearted and fun place, but we'll see how that goes.

More than anything I want it to be real. It's about my life as it goes along. I'm hoping that it will lead to something, but not exactly sure what. I've thought about sectioning out my hobbies/ideas to different blogs, but I have a tough enough time getting followers on one blog . . . how could I get anyone to read multiple ones?

At any rate, it's fun writing about things. I don't want to copy J on her posts, but I like the ideas she's come up with so far. My brain is pretty scattered these days and focusing on one theme is tough sometimes. I have gotten so used to the 144 character format that writing a longer post will take some time to get back into.

Up next - getting control of some of my issues.

I went to a Zumba class the other day. My neighbor talked about it and I finally decided to go. I have a gym membership that I am currently sitting on until we move, but I used to go to their Zumba class for a little. Unfortunately I don't like the "watch what I do" teaching method they had at my gym so I stopped going. I took ballroom dance lessons for a couple years, so I love dancing as exercise, but Zumba is sort of a bastardization of latin dance moves and exercise moves put together, so it can get difficult for me.

I had fun at the class the other night, but because I'm moving soon I don't know if I will get a chance to go again. Let's hope there's a good Zumba class near where we're moving. Either that or I need to get the Zumba game for the Wii.

Adding to this healthy theme I am trying to get back on is a visit to a nutritionist today after work. She specializes in PCOS nutrition which I have been trying to figure out myself for a couple years now. I had to fill out a questionnaire and wasn't sure if I answered clearly, but since I'm going for an hour-long appointment I will explain if she asks. Here are some of the questions that made me stop and think:
1. What are your favorite foods?
2. Do you currently eat all of these? if not, why?
3. Are there foods you consider "good"?
4. Are there foods you consider "bad"?
5. What is your definition of normal eating?
6. Describe what hunger feels like to you.
7. Describe what fullness feels like to you.

It is a 4-page questionnaire and I'm glad it made me think a little (and make me want to look up definitions online). I'm hoping it will be a good consultation. Luckily my health insurance should cover it, so that definitely helps. Now I just have to make the time to make this a priority in my everyday life.

When it comes to diets or food changes I tend to have commitment issues. Most turn to short-term changes and not continuing life changes. Getting older and having more issues with my PCOS symptoms makes it more of an issue to push for a long-term change.

With rehearsals looming in the next months (which I haven't talked about on here yet) now is the best time for me to get things started. We'll see how much I get in the way of myself this time. I'll definitely keep you updated - if nothing else to help me stay on track and be accountable.

More next time :). I have a lot to talk about, so expect more soon!




Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Getting back into this

Okay, so no one is following me still :( - but we'll see what happens.

I've been trying to think if my daily life warrants being written about, but I'm really the only one that knows what is going on, so I guess it's news to everyone else. My life is not easy right now and it definitely shows on the outside. I don't sleep well, I don't eat well, I don't get any exercise, I'm stressed, and yet it just keeps going.

I don't want to be one of those people who complains all the time about how horrible things are because I do know they can always be worse. But really . . . sometimes I wish some people could trade places with me to really understand what I go through on a daily basis.

I am a planner. I like to know what is going on in my life as much ahead of time as I can. Generally I like to have my entire week planned by Monday and my weekends planned by Wednesday. If things change, fine, but I'm likely not going to like it. It's just the general way I like to live my life. I do like spontaneity, but having a good outline of things to come makes for a calmer me. Unfortunately that is not what life has in store for me right now.

I had to give up my planning to make way for asking everyday how things are going. I have to tell everyone that "we'll have to see" and "I'm not sure, it depends . . ." I hate being so wishy-washy about everything, but that's just how it has to be right now. And, as I said before - it shows.

I get so frustrated and I don't know how to make things better. Right now we (my husband and I) are in a "holding pattern" with a lot of things. We are in a "wait and see" situation and it is killing me. We've done this before and the waiting never seemed to lift to the actual doing, so part of me is dreading what is going to happen next given our track record, but I am trying as hard as I can to try to prevent the same things from happening.

Part of that safeguarding is keeping a lot of things to myself. My husband is a very private person (which I've said before) and so I don't really want to divulge things that have to do with him. That also means that I can't talk about parts of my life that are impacting me greatly. Although I have done that in the past, there was a learning curve I went through figuring out what happened when I spilled my guts about our private lives. Those things are not the same things I am guarded about now, but I hesitate in saying too much because I don't want to cause more frustration and stress to an already tough situation. Luckily my marriage is so much stronger than it has been, partly because of what is going on in our lives right now. We've been married for over 6 years now and it's been a bumpy journey. Our relationship together though is much more solid than before, now we just have to work on the stresses of our lives individually. That is definitely not an easy task.

So what am I trying to say here? Well, I guess that I have a lot going on and it's not something that is going to go away overnight, although we wish it would. Winning the lottery wouldn't solve it, although it would make things easier. I do thank God I'm in this with someone else and that it truly shows how strong I can be. I just wish I could look more the part of a strong woman and not someone who is falling apart at the seams. Although I do smile on a regular basis, I look like I am clearly unhappy about something. I have gained so much weight over the last year that it is clear something is not right. How can I be a confident, strong woman when all I see is a fat, ugly, disheveled mess of a girl who can't do anything right? I act like I am doing fine, but every time I look in the mirror I hate what I see. I don't know what to do. I don't think there's a quick fix, but I need something to change and I need it to be drastic.

I want to be the beautiful Diva I'm working hard to be, not the dull, forgetful servant I seem to fall into doing. People say it's all in the attitude, but no matter how much I think I look beautiful and feel good, at the end of the day my body aches from the pain of carrying so much physical weight and my mind is tired from all the stress I have to deal with at work and when I come home.

I keep it all in because *shrug* who am I going to complain to about my problems? Complaining and getting mad doesn't solve anything. It doesn't change what is happening, so why bother? It's eating me from the inside out, but what can I do? I honestly don't know anyone who can understand what is going on in my life.

I'll write more about my specific stresses another time. I know this has been vague, but I hope I get my emotions across at least. Bottom line is my life is not easy, but I'm trying to do what I can with the things I can work on. It's past midnight and I have a long day ahead of me. Let's hope I can sleep well enough to make a change in the morning. I wish anyone who reads this a good life . . . God knows I am trying.